It sounded pretty Kushti, £15,000 to collect some diamonds from Amsterdam for boycie and Abdul - with just a few snags. There's some dodgy geezer called Van Cleef at the Dutch end, Chief Inspector Slater and his boys in blue back home and a small matter of a bloody great customs hall in the middle.

So when Del and Rodney accidentally end up in Hull, a brilliant idea enters theTrotter mind - why not sail across themselves? After all, Amsterdam "ain't all that far - in the right direction." Surely with an old sea dog like Uncle Albert at the helm it'll be plain sailing?

It might only be a finger nail on the map, but with a terminally seasick youth, an entrepreneur who hasn't had a wash for three days and a sea dog who's sunk in every vessel he's ever sailed in, they might as well be sailing around the Cape. Will they ever get home? Even if they do, can they trust boycie and Abdul or avoid Bullshit of the Yard, the dogged Chief Inspector Slater?